honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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