her vagine was all disorganized.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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