Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
