My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
