Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dear god my vagina.
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