smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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