She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'd cum for enchiladas.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
