it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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