Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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