Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
