I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
