New low: just hacked my moms facebook
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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