Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
