do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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