Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
