Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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