he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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