so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
