No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
