3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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