i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
