omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
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it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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