FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found your dick twin last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I didn't notice because vodka
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
