The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
