And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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