Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
