You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
