all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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