Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
