Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
