he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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