I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
