seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
