What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
