Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
