How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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