If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
