Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
