Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize