If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
