I just saw a hot homeless man
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
