My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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