dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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