Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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