Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
