I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We got so high we made milksteak
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
