writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
