why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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