My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
