I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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