Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
