All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
