There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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