I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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