Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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