porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Randomize
