You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
