Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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