he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
