Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
