I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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