i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
