the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
