No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
