a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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