so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
