You're earring is so big in my mouth
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
