JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
