Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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