I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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