I wanna bring you to show and tell
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
