two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize