why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
