I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
