I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
