So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
