I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
